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  • Oorspronkelijk geplaatst door Cobraman Bekijk bericht
    Wat een waardeloze grap Sjasper, niemand begrijpt hem.
    Sinds wanneer heet jij niemand?
    VolvoXC70 D5 Geartronic (2012) - Ford Kuga 2.0 TdCi (2015) - Suzuki Jimny (2017)

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    • Niemand zijn of Niemand heten, wat is het verschil? :) Bij mij kon er trouwens wel een lachje vanaf, bij die Milliband grap. Lijkt erop dat CM inderdaad de enige is die hem niet snapt. Zal het door de taal komen?
      "There is an art to flying, or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."

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      • Frankly, I don't give a damn...
        Dax Cobra 4.0 V8 - BMW F30 320D HE

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        • On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

          While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.

          St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he leaves.
          The couple sat and waited, and waited. 9 weeks passed and the couple are still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven. After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.

          'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you can get married in Heaven.'

          'Great!' said the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'

          St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. 'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.

          'OH, COME ON!', St. Peter shouted, 'It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer ?
          The American economy is getting so bad that Americans have started emailing Nigerians asking for help with wiring money.

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          • Hij is leuk, maar wel een variatie op een bekend thema. Al eerder gehoord met aannemers enzo in de hoofdrol.

            Adri
            Zweven is een ongekende ervaring
            Xantia V6 3,0i Break

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            • Sergeant at Police Station:
              What is her height?

              Husband:
              Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

              Sergeant:
              Weight?

              Husband:
              Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

              Sergeant:
              Color of eyes?

              Husband:
              Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

              Sergeant:
              Color of hair?

              Husband:
              Changes a couple of times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t
              remember.

              Sergeant:
              What was she wearing?

              Husband:
              Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know
              exactly.

              Sergeant:
              What kind of car did she go in?

              Husband:
              She went in my truck.

              Sergeant:
              What kind of truck was it?

              Husband:
              A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and "Bubba" floor mats. Trail-ring package with gold hitch and special wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 23-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting.
              At this point the husband started choking up. . .
              .
              Sergeant:
              Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck!

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              • Lol, maaruh:
                Oorspronkelijk geplaatst door Kleintje Bekijk bericht
                eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine
                Het is f een EcoBoost, f een 5.0 V8. Niet n. ;)

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                • Ik heb de mop niet gemaakt :-)

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                  • I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
                    The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
                    My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said 'nothing'.
                    The reason I said 'nothing' instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she then would have asked 'about what?'

                    At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
                    Finally I pondered an age old question:
                    Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
                    Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they "know"?
                    Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
                    Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really "know", here is the reason for my conclusion.
                    A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
                    On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
                    I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap in that hammock.

                    The American economy is getting so bad that Americans have started emailing Nigerians asking for help with wiring money.

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                    • An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
                      He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
                      One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadnt been there for a while, and look it over.
                      He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
                      As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
                      He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
                      One of the women shouted to him,
                      Were not coming out until you leave!

                      The old man frowned, I didnt come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.
                      Holding the bucket up he said,
                      Im here to feed the alligator

                      Some old men can still think fast!!
                      The American economy is getting so bad that Americans have started emailing Nigerians asking for help with wiring money.

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                      • Goed, tijd voor een raadsel:

                        Het is wit met een rood puntje en het zit in de hoek van de kerk ...
                        Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. - Albert Einstein

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                        • Als het puntje paars was zou ik zeggen een purperen kardinaal. Maar die is te voor-de-hand-liggend.

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                          • Nee, veel simpeler:

                            Een ongestelde non.

                            :-)
                            Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. - Albert Einstein

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                            • This is poppy. I bought her as a suprise present for the wife but it turns out she's allergic to dogs, so unfortunately I'm going to have to find a new home for her and I'm just wondering if you can help ?
                              Her name is Lynne, she's 46, she's got nice boobs, not a bad cook and shit hot at ironing.

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                              • https://www.facebook.com/danielle.ho...8058624639074/
                                Iedereen heeft recht op mijn mening!

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                                • Die Grunningers zijn niet dom.



                                  Adri
                                  Zweven is een ongekende ervaring
                                  Xantia V6 3,0i Break

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